I wish my penis had an off switch
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
