I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
