one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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