I'm jealous of your bromance
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
