I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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