she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
