we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
