Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Randomize
