Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
