Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Of course I have a pirate flag
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
my god I love twenty year old dicks
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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