Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
