Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
