If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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