Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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