i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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