no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
