peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
