Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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