Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
