Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
