what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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