i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
