I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
