I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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