he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How does one acquire holy water?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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