I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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