if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's Friday. Sex?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
