I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
