Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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