Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
