K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
