I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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