There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
