sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
