I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
