I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
