he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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