Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
