apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
