i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she woke up with a sticky ear
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
