i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
