told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
