I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
