so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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