I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
barbara walters just said penis...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
