ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
