I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
