That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
