watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
