Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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