I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How external is "for external use only"?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
