In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You can't motorboat a personality
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
