Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
