forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
